How to deal with insecurity in relationships

11 months ago 311

Insecurity is a feeling lack of security or uncertainty, it can also be described as lack of confidence in oneself or  a feeling of self-doubt.
In relationship insecurity is a fear of losing your partner due to some flaws you may have or someone better than you may come along, it's basically just deep fear of losing the person.
It is caused by lack of self worth, low self-esteem, lack of self confidence, when you think your partner is more beautiful or better than you, and past relationship experiences.
Although in a relationship, there always a bit of insecurity or possessiveness
But there are boundaries to such feelings
An insecure partner will always want your complete attention at all times, if they send you a message and you take time to reply, they'll conclude that you're chatting with another person more important than them and that's why you didn't reply
An insecure partner will always want to go through your phone, your messages, your chats, your call log etc, just to make sure there's no other person in the picture.
And insecure partner doesn't want to ever see you relating with the opposite sex at all, because they feel that any time you're with an opposite sex, there's a higher chance of you falling in love with that person and leaving them.
An insecure partner takes every little contention as a sign that you're tired of them and that you want to leave them.
An insecure partner wants you to always post them or tell everyone you know that you're dating them or that you're together
And take it or leave it
An insecure partner finds it difficult to stay faithful in relationships because they don't have the confidence that the person they're with is really into them, so once they see another person that seems to like them they won't tell the person off, instead they'll play along with the intention of having a backup in case something goes wrong in their current relationship.
I would have given an example but.........
Now if you fall into the above category
Please and please you have to try to pull out of it
First thing you need to know is that you can't force someone to love you
That's just it
Call logs can be deleted, messages can be deleted, chats can be deleted
The fact that you went through their phone and you didn't find any suspicious item, doesn't really mean that they're into you
I'm not trying to say you shouldn't trust your partner oh
I'm just saying that you shouldn't base your trust on those things

Secondly, that over possessive attitude may start to piss them of and they'll start getting overly tired of you, and they'll want a change of partner because you're becoming a thorn in their flesh, you're bugging them a lot, trying to control their life and interactions.... And you know no one likes to be controlled. So in the process of trying to keep them, you may actually end up losing them.
Thirdly, that attitude of insecurity makes you look desperate and too attached to the person, and when you start looking that way, you won't be taken seriously in the relationship anymore, the person will feel that you're always available for the them, and they'll will just try to be careful when cheating on you, but the fact is that they are still cheating on you just that you don't know about it
In conclusion what I want to tell you is,
You can't force a person to love you
How a person behaves in a relationship will tell you how much the person values that relationship
A person that truly loves you won't go around messing around with other people
I'm not saying you should just relax in your relationship that if the person loves you he/she won't cheat,
You have to apply wisdom in all aspects of life
You should show the person that you value them, and that you need them to stay with you and remain faithful
But don't overdo it
Apply moderation in everything you do
And hope for the best
If the person if actually values you they'll remain with you
I hope with these few points of mine
I've been able to convince you and not confuse you that insecurity is not healthy for a relationship